Excerpts from

Letters to big Sister

:
28-08-3
Dont forget the most used cure for the blues is your radio, especially the C&W station.

1978, in Sydney, I asked Brigid for a womans voice to listen to. She said EmmyLou Harris.

Some say Puccini, some say Gambia,
some say Delta Blues,
but EmmyLou is still beltin it out for me.

I still sometimes get woken up
at 3am when the fridge turns off
and the water pipes click,
by the vision of Brigid
takin off her dress.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Boy From Tupelo (Lyrics (c) EmmyLou Harris?)

You don't love me this I know
Don't need a bible to tell me so
I hung around a little too long
I was good but now I'm gone

Like the buffalo
That boy from Tupelo
Any way the wind can blow
That's where I'm gonna go
I'll be gone like a five and dime
It'll be the perfect crime
Just ask the boy from Tupelo
He's the king and he oughta know

The shoulder I've been leanin on
Is the coldest place I've ever known
There's nothin left for me round here
Looks like it's time to disappear

Like the buffalo
That boy from Tupelo
The old wall down in Jericho
Maybelline on the radio
I'll be gone like the five and dime
It'll be the perfect crime
Just ask the boy from Tupelo
He's the king and he oughta know

You don't love me, this I know
Don't need a bible to tell me so
It's a shame and it's a sin
Everything I coulda been

Your last chance Texaco
Your sweetheart of the rodeo
A juliet to your romeo
The border you cross into Mexico
I'll never understand why or how
Oh but baby its too late now
Just ask the boy from Tupelo
He's the king and he oughta know
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Red Dirt Girl
...One thing they don't tell you 'bout the blues
When you got 'em
You keep on fallin' cause there ain't no bottom...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Image for Spring

Hi C,
Re anxiety - it is quite distinct from fear (of Typhoons, Gunmen,Bombs, Airline crashes etc) which doesnt drag me down, but anxiety (about nothing really) does drag me (one) down.

There is no permanent good treatment, that I know of.

I had good results from Zyban, which stopped my cigarette cravings cold. In the USA it is marketed as an antidepressant. In Australia it was subsidised from $200+ down to $26 (for one month??) I think its "welbutrin" as an anti depressant.

While on Zyban I did not notice any particular "antidepressant or antianxiety" effect
but that in itself is probably a good sign, I was not constantly asking myself "am I anxious?"

actually the last few pills lay about the place, probably best to take them all. I think the Aus govt subsidy may be now or soon to be removed, so act fast.

I am going to try for another course, since I have got onto nicotine again.

Valium makes one feel good, but cant be regarded as a true anxiety cure

Alcohol certainly fixes anxiety, for a few hours, but the dosage (6,8++ drinks) is huge and undoubtedly damaging. (and expensive)

I saw one comment that Zyban is the only anti-depressant that doesnt kill libido, which is another good property, even if Libido is not top of your list.
=======================
Just got Legacy Cash from Mother, God bless her, what a pity she didnt spend a bit more on a QEII cruise or something...

Now I have to worry about doing something sensible with the money, not the worst kind of worry.


I will write some more about the RP (kudeta is philippino for Coup de etat?)
Something about the erotic of the ordinary. Living surrounded by life: buntis(pregnant) women, children, crowded rooms, constant heat. The walls of the house dont reach the tin roof, so washing, pissing, sleeping, everything is close. 4 or 5 little girls trying out their teasing techniques. I blunder into the CR, find a little girl standing on the toilet bowl rim to piss - makes sense. Lonely, lovely, 20 year old sister-in-law, abandoned by her first love (Japanese saririman, who achingly, is now living in town, trolling the LA cafe for new girls). Rain on the tin drowns the sound of bootleg Terminator3. Constant old pop songs & karioke, every moment has its corny love song lyric.

I walk down the steep narrow alley, avoiding the open drain gaps. Tough men holding fighting cocks call "High C....". I cadge a light from A......, the grandfather, who is smoking his way to death. He was a cop, so the family have connections to NBI & Crame. Unhappily titoy B.... aka Major H........, is assigned down south in Zamboanga, against Abu Sayef, so we cant call him up to dispose of careless death threats.Last time, some creep did me out of a couple hundred bucks, one call from the Majors office, and that creep came to my house, cash in hand, begging me to take it back. Now thats family connection! This time Camp Crame can't contact the other Uncle R......, his cellphone is lobat. That detail will cost my life one day. A wants to get a 38, but I am undecided as I watch her expertly twirl her butterfly knife, (local variant of the flick knife) that woman's dangerous enough without a handgun.

The quality of the gaze. Down here in Aus,my gaze is guarded, not returned when I can offer it. Up there my gaze is returned, somehow welcomed.. light grey/green/blue eyes are regarded as marvelous. Amazingly my aged face is not disgusting. All forms of difference, scars, burns, congenital damage, age, are laughed at.
At first it is shocking to see crippled and scarred people laughed at, but they are so fully included in the life that laughter is a tiny price. A.... sits me down for a gaze session, we face each other and stare into each others eyes while she pretends to cast spells on me. Sadly, she is a bit crazy, and a s.....freak, but one takes cures where one finds them. J...'s wife has somehow simply vanished (I hope she is in the Provinces, I hope she is alive) leaving him with three little girls, one just walking, he is now even more thin and dangerous looking.
M... & J... are strongly advising me not to buy a $30,000 house in RP which would need to be in A....s name. I can imagine it vanishing.
_________________________________________________________________
news item: a drought so bad that people are "forced to drink rainwater"
- how far we have come in toxic biophilia that rain has become evil?
(I will write soon a lot on Toxic Biophilia, and dangerous trends in Bio-Engineering)
_________________________________________________________________
Dreams of a tropics with fresh rainwater collection & solar powered desiccant-aircon,
wireless internet and permaculture gardens. The chickens are already there for the poorest,
but the trend is, once you get a bit of money, leave those chickens behind...
__________________________________________________________________
translators note "Bundok" means Mountain hence "Up in the Boondocks" Not "Down in the Boondocks"

Up in the BoonDocks

__________________________________________________________________